How to Be a Lady and Still Have Sex

(Ok so maybe in addition to the "sorry I haven't posted for 3 weeks" tag, it would probably behoove me to add an "I'm Sick" tag. Because frankly, I'm getting sick of prefacing all these posts with the words "I'm Sick". This is not a great way to start off a New Year- it's also not a great sign for the state of my immune system. But it does tie into the main point of the post and I'll get back to it in just a few)


So, for Eeks second to last day in town, I dragged her and CJ around on a semi-fruitful sex toy quest. Because being my friend means you have to traipse around the city with me while I try to find a new vibrator. Yes, that was vibrator. I own and use vibrators. My current one got me through a two year dry spell and even now that I'm having sex with real live men on a regular basis, I still hold a special special place in my heart for those buzzy little things. And for handcuffs. And riding crops....  I may dress like a prude librarian but my conservativeness drops off like an old coat when I walk into the bedroom. I like sex, both socially and solitarily. Does that admission make me less of a Lady? 
Never in life!
The core foundation of being a Lady is confidence and grace. And nothing is more confident than a gal who knows just what she likes. Few things more graceful then the languor of a woman after she's had a great orgasm.


Oh, got off on a little rant there! Anyway, back to the shopping tale....
Now, while I'm no novice to the whole wide world of sexual aids, as I stood in the back room of The Crypt- staring wide-eyed at the array of silicone, black rubber, inject molded treats- I realized I've still got a lot to learn. 
And you know whats sad?
Who's gonna teach me?


It's a sorry fact that after a 3 month class about condoms and the life path of a sperm in 8th grade, you're set off into the world with a pat on the back and a "Good luck- the rest you'll learn through trial and error!" 
Don't get me wrong- I believe with sex as with most things that experience is the best form of learning. But come on! Knowledge is power kids and you don't want to rush the field of battle without some heavy ammunition. And here we are, making that circular trek back to the opening of my post- I've spent the last two days in bed trying to get over this flu or cold or whatever it is. And most of that time has been spent online, pursuing the internet offerings of sex. I'm not talking about porn- no nothing so simple. Just what is out there for the folks who don't merely want to get off- the ones who want to know why they get off and how and better ways to do it.


What did I find? A whole lotta junk and a sweet shining star of sexual knowledge.
I found the Sex Nerd! 
Witty, matter of fact and a looker to boot. I adore this girl and want her to be my new best friend. If there were more people who embraced sex the way she does, life would be all orgasms and chocolate unicorns.

Miss Me?

I swear I haven't forgotten about Re Vamp- at least once a day I think "I really ought to get on a blog post."

And I'm in the thick of a whole lot of DIY stuff to update on but am to busy working said projects to post about them. Irony.

Also, work is kinda wackadoo right now and add to that prepping to move out (FINALLY!) and you've got a seriously neglected blog. Ok, enough excusing my absence.... here are some things to look forward to!

*Update on the headboard project.

*End results of the Picture Project.

*Home decor haul post with pretty photos of all the new junk I've bought for the apartment.

*Another installment of the "How to Be A Lady" guide!

On Being Ladylike

As you may know, I'm a big fan of the Art Of Manliness Blog. I love that there is a consolidated guide for the guy that wants to hit that ideal between gent and man. They've got a little bit on knowledge on any subject: how to shop for socks, dating tips, how to bald gracefully! I think every and any man ought to consult the AoM blog once and a while.

Unfortunately, there isn't much of a female counterpart available. Sure, you can find a few scattered posts about how girls nowadays are little tramps and we should all be more like Grace Kelly. The problem is most of those posts revolve around what women ought not be doing as oppose to what we ought to. They end up sounding negative and catty rather then helpful.

Being a lady isn't about what you can't do!

You wanna drink? Go ahead!

You like sex? Have it!

Smoke and debate and play tackle football and wear jeans and eat sloppy joes if you have a mind to. The trick to doing anything and everything is to do it with a little tact and a little class.

That's what makes a Lady.

So, here's a little help for the gal that wants to be a Lady and also wants to express herself colorfully-

The Guide to Classy Cursing

I swear often. In casual conversation. I enjoy the punch curse words pack. I have always tried to converse so that my full meaning and intent is understood through my words. And in that swears are very handy.

Ladies can curse in such a way that it actually makes them more charming.

Conserve you curse words, use them sparingly. The rarity of your vulgar speech will give it more emphases. (This rule I just can't follow- though I'm working on it)

Use unexpected and novel curses. Lets face it- Fuck is boring. It's overused and trite. Look to the past (Whoreson, Damnable Ass)  or try other languages (Scheisse, Testa di Cazzo) for new and insulting swears.

Don't shy away from explicit swears- there's no sense in pulling your punch. My favorite go-to swear is Cunt. Give it a whirl, you'll make quite an impression. Get lengthy- Bastard cocksucking piece of shit or Sweet bleeding Christ on the Cross.

Use curses when referencing situations rather then people. Let's be honest- no one like to be cursed at. While it is sometimes justifiable, it's still rude.

Whether you  swear out of anger or as simply a discussion enlivening interjection, follow it up with a smile. Every time. This helps to show that despite the wretched phrase that just escaped your mouth, you're still genial and sweet.

Go forth and curse with class!